Thursday, February the 15th, 2007

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Satan's Spa

Pansy Cradledew bought a new kettle recently. Tempting though it is to use this as an excuse to regale you with my all-encompassing kettle theories—and believe me, you will be impressed—I'd like instead to say a few words about the particular make of kettle Ms Cradledew purchased.

There is an egg-shaped window in the side of the kettle which enables the pleased-as-punch kettle owner to see at a glance the water level of the water that has been poured out of a tap or spigot into the kettle. It may be argued that I could rewrite that sentence so that it is less ungainly and doesn't mention the kettle three times, but I want to be absolutely clear and I am writing in a rush. There is a pot of tea to be brewed, and I cannot type and make tea at the same time. You try it, and see how difficult it is.

When the power is on, but the kettle is switched off, that is, when it is plugged in to the wall socket and the wall socket is switched on but the kettle remains in its default, at rest, idle state, an internal light is activated, and through the egg-shaped window the excited kettle owner sees a blue glow. This has the effect of making the water look not unlike a tropical sea, or at least a tiny portion of such a sea, on a blazing hot summer day—no small benefit when one lives in a land of ice chaos.

Depress the switch underneath the kettle's handle, however, and the blue glow is instantly transformed into a glow that is bright red. The kettle is now on, and begins to boil the water which was poured into it from the tap, or spigot. Gradually, it begins to bubble. As it approaches boiling point, the combination of seething, bubbling water and a blood-red glow makes it look like a scene from hell. Satan's spa!

I may write about further kitchen-based excitements at a later date, but now it is time for that pot of tea.