Sunday, February the 18th, 2007
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Today is a very special day at Hooting Yard. It's Yoko Ono's 74th birthday. Just as the people of Tanna, in Vanuatu in the South West Pacific, worship the Duke of Edinburgh as a god, we here at Hooting Yard recognise the divinity of Yoko.
Our devotion took a bit of a battering a few years ago when Mrs Gubbins dallied with Yokonetics, but a course of brain-sluicing with Baxter's Terrible Fluid and a visit from Yoko's lawyer set her back on the true path.
If anyone wants me, I shall be spending this special day in that field near Blister Lane Bypass, sitting in a bag with wool wrapped round my legs, screaming.