Wednesday, May the 25th, 2011

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Hop With Tongs

You will need to keep your wits about you, now, to manoeuvre the fierce tongs with precision, on the hop. I realise, having skipped the first page, that you have no idea what I am talking about, but you are just going to have to catch up as best you can. If the mitten on your left hand is smouldering, as is probably the case, take it off, place it somewhere out of harm's way, and put on one of the spares from the pile. Try to do this without letting go of the fierce, fierce tongs in your other hand, and keep hopping. You should try to stray no more than a couple of yards from the skirting-board. If the room has been built without a skirting-board, as can happen in some barbaric buildings, summon one into being, visually, through the power of your imagination. An imaginary skirting-board may not pass muster with certain jaundiced souls, but your soul is not yet jaundiced, is it? At least, it shouldn't be, not while you brandish the fierce, fierce, fierce tongs, and hop.