Monday, June the 20th, 2011

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The Boot Is On The Other Foot

Here are simple instructions to achieve that state of being where the boot is on the other foot.

Let us assume you are a biped, of the kind known as a pauper biped. Your pauperdom affords you but one boot. In the normal run of things, during your waking hours when you are out and about begging for alms, you will have one foot shod in the boot and the other bare, or perhaps ensocked, or partly wrapped in trailing straggles of puttee.

It is best to carry out the following manoeuvres in front of a mirror, so you can see what you are doing. Let us say the boot is on your right foot. In the mirror, it will look as if it is on your left foot, but a moment's reflection, ho ho, should suffice to confirm it is on your right.

Now, sit on a clump. Lean over and, taking the boot in both hands, prise it off your foot. You may wish to avert the nasal passages as you do so. If the now unbooted foot is bare, it is a good idea at this point to transfer on to it the sock or ragged scraps of puttee from the other, left, foot, which will appear to you in the mirror as the right. You can also go and dip it, the right foot, into a nearby rill or stream. Keep an eye on your boot as you do so, however, for the land is riddled with brigands who might make off with your boot while you are incommoded with one foot in running water.

Back on the clump, jam your left foot, the right one in the mirror, remember, into the boot. Stand up. The boot is now on the other foot, compared to where it was before you started.

It is worth noting that this is a pastime the pauper can enjoy with much more ease than the rich man. When there is only the one boot, as with the pauper, it is child's play to keep track of what you are doing. The rich man, possessed of many boots, and many mirrors, can often become hopelessly confused by the manoeuvres, and fly into a rage, throwing boots about his palace and inadvertently smashing mirrors.