Friday, September the 16th, 2016

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Sausage Semaphore

It is sometimes appropriate to signal a want of sausages in semaphore. For example, you might find yourself sausageless in the middle of a desolate plain, some sort of Biblical wilderness, ravenous for sausages but, happily, in possession of two brightly-coloured flags. If you have a smattering of semaphore, and a broad knowledge of sausage types, it should not be beyond your wit to signal your want of sausages, using the flags, to a distant passer-by. Whether this passer-by will be able to satisfy your sausagelust is, of course, quite another matter.

We should also take into account the very distinct possibility that such a signalling is beyond your wit—in short, that you are witless, or, if not entirely witless, then a halfwit. Standing about in the middle of a plain with a couple of flags yet bereft of sausages is the sort of behaviour we might expect from a halfwit.

Halfwits and dunderpates are not the best people when it comes to accurate and reliable semaphore signals. Indeed, they can become so muddle-headed in their attempts to deploy a pair of flags according to a well-established code that their message is likely to be gibberish. This will leave the distant passer-by scratching their head in confusion and deciding to continue on their stroll, along the edge of the plain, perhaps Luneburg Heath, with their dog in tow.

Most dogs can sniff out sausages with bewildering acuity. There are even some dogs known as “sausage dogs”. It can all become very complicated, especially if you are a halfwit.