Saturday, January the 28th, 2017

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Songs For Strangled Puppies

Songs For Strangled Puppies is a new album of sentimental ballads by tear-stained balladeer Biff Chomsky, a follow-up to his smash hit bestseller Songs For Drowned Kittens.

“I am particularly proud of this new waxing” said Biff in an interview with top dead-puppy-and-kitten magazine The Daily Small Slaughtered Animals Digest, “Because the body count is slightly higher than on my previous album. That had only one or two kittens drowned per song, whereas on the new one, I sing several schmaltzy ballads in which upwards of a dozen puppies have the life squeezed out of them, in one case by the lumbering walrus-moustached serial killer Babinsky, turning his attention for once to the canine world.”

This is not the first time Babinsky has been celebrated in song, though earlier numbers have eschewed the tear-stained ballad approach. More often they have been hideous screechings and howlings composed by bearded grumpy avant garde German nitwits such as Horst Gack and Horst Gack's familiar, a weird homunculus which perches on his shoulder and hisses at passers-by.

“I was hoping to get Horst Gack's homunculus to join me on a duet,” said Biff Chomsky, “But when I approached him, he bit me. I immediately had a tetanus jab, but it didn't do much good. Ever since I have had a fever and an ague and fits and convulsions and to be honest I'm not sure when I'll be able to get back in the studio to record my next album, Songs For Garrotted Baby Koala Bears.”

Each copy of the new album comes with a free tin pail in which weeping listeners can collect their tears.