Wednesday, February the 18th, 2004
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By downloading and installing on my computer the DOBSON ÜBERTOOLBAR, I—I who have nothing!—understand that thereafter my life will become a thing of unparalleled bliss, such as a mediaeval mystic could ne'er have dreamed of. I understand that there is a peace that passeth all understanding, even if my understanding of something which cannot be understood is a very difficult concept to grasp, but clutch at it I will, with all the fibre of my being, like a shipwreck survivor making their last desperate, gurgling attempt to gain purchase on a rotten plank afloat in the ocean a thousand miles from dry land. I also understand that nothing before in human or pre-human history has prepared the world for the wonders of the DOBSON ÜBERTOOLBAR, not even the MindMaps of cape-wearing superbrain Tony Buzan, nay, nor even the “Six Hats Thinking System” of Edward De Bono, which he described as “the first new way of thinking to be developed for 2,400 years since the days of Plato, Socrates and Aristotle”, and which involves putting on one's head a different coloured hat (let's say, red, or yellow) depending on the focus of one's thoughts (let's say, list-making, or analytical thinking). Begone, Buzan! Bow down, De Bono! For Dobson has come among you and the steel of his intellectual scimitar is to be trembled at! Shudder as if you were reading Lovecraft, or were being borne down upon by a Shoggoth! I also understand that after downloading and installing the DOBSON ÜBERTOOLBAR, my computer will probably not work properly anymore, but that that is a small price to pay.