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The Hooting Yard Blog, 2003–2006

December 2003

including the Ship of Fools, Monomaniac Time, a crumpled map, the Buttons of Beb, and much, much more!

January 2004

including World o' Cake, decoy ducks, the Crogsnickplagg Cow Centenary, penguin brain scans, and other amusing diversions.

February 2004

including Richard Milhous Nixon, bismuth & titanium, Istvan & Zoltan, Dobson, badgers, potatoes, pails, James Joyce, and a burlap sack of old crocuses.

March 2004

a bumper month—not only the seven dwarves, the administration of lighthouses, and six cows and a bee, not only Chutney On My Spats by Beerpint & How I Invented A Revolutionary New Birdseed by Dobson, but soup, cake, gluttony, Chewism, jars, cormorants and a leech mishap.

April 2004

a month which saw hideous and traumatic computer nightmares at Hooting Yard. Despite this, you'll be able to read about Mrs Gubbins and her infatuation with buttons, a noodlehead in peril, Sopwith's so-called "marsh gas years", and the disgusting bilge of Cadet Vig, among other things.

May 2004

still bedevilled by technical trauma, we nevertheless managed to address such issues as "Was Dobson Stalin?", examine the legacy of Tuesday Weld, ponder Frank's future as the Face of L'Oreal, and sigh at the strange fate of the Besmirched & Bonkers Topiary Man, His Hoodoo & Collapse. All this plus croissants, horses, Stendahl on peas, ogres, vapours and, of course, even more cormorants.

June 2004

the definitive return from Technonightmareland! June brought mentions of gnats, Nixon, nuns purporting to be from Finland, little Severin the mystic badger, Ronald Reagan, Belt, Bong & Yaw and at least 44 curlews.

July 2004

is there any subject we didn't address in July? Tundism, owls, Ricardo Montalban, glue and gruel and God and hydraulics and tsars and bogs, Emily Dickinson, botched trepanning operations, curd, birds, mucilage, balm in Gilead, and of course an enormously useful Pontiff mnemonic.

August 2004

all about celery, gutta percha, neurasthenic shuddering, egg flip, the old town of Plovdiv, bags of suet, and papal infallibility. Plus starlings and terrifying moles, among much else.

September 2004

the return of Mrs Gubbins, Dobson's fear of squirrels, Christopher Plummer as Atahualpa, bean diseases, a horrible cave, and a selection of 18th century newspaper headlines, together with Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Alexander Graham Bell & Ringo Starr...

October 2004

a cornucopia of delights, including Dobson in the Biblical Land of Nod, railings and pewter, Spem in Alium by Thomas Tallis, bees, chewed things, Richard Nixon, Emily Dickinson and Ah-Fang Van Der Houygendorp, paper crumpling, and Tex-Mex Jiffy Bag Sprites!

November 2004

includes a note about a rare edition of the Bible, unanswered questions about JFK, my little blind dolly and my little blind crow, a picture of a big black beetle, two pictures of locusts, and all sorts of other magnificently entertaining material for all the family.

December 2004

Hooting Yard reaches its first birthday and celebrates with tales of wild pigs, vampire bats and days of imbecilic glee, as well as looking at the crucial importance of topiary, the legend of the Grunty Man, the Swiss Family Robinson, and, of course, what happened when Björn and Benny and Anni-Frid and Agnetha were invited to Belshazzar's feast... Gosh!

January 2005

We enter the new year with Anubis and Ra, pageantry and ice, Saint Mungo and Agent Hosty, pit vipers on postage stamps, the glove of Ib, The Anatomy Of Melancholy, and the Hooting Yard Gallery Of Goo!

February 2005

Such an exciting month at Hooting Yard that Mr Key had to go and lie down for two months, hence the absence of any entries for March and April. Here you can read about bags in the Bible, Rasputin, moths, the Electric Prunes, Muggletonians, haruspices, and both Tiny Enid and Serpentine Claude.

March 2005

No bulletins from Hooting Yard.

April 2005

Radio silence.

May 2005

Back after a break, and what delights! Learn about the ancient mystic art of Goon Fang, toasted blob-cake, a grebe, swans, fluttering sociopathic moth-beings, trumpets and banners, and lightning rods.

June 2005

So much to read that you may get an attack of the vapours. Lusty jocund swains, the bottomless viper-pit of Gaar, dispatches from O'Houlihan's Wharf, wafers, woods and killer bees, among much else.

July 2005

The Bilgewater Elegies, the debut of fictional athlete Bobnit Tivol, homage to Bernard Cribbins, calor gas, larder tips, Jesus, cake news, and a fop in a quandary. Who could ask for more?

August 2005

Read all about hendiadys in Mudchute, Reginald Bosanquet, The Bog People by P V Glob, the smashed god, a dream about Roy Kinnear, cows, blubber, tallow and tin... and not to forget the darning-needle of destiny!

September 2005

Zeigler and Locke, wisps and clumps, the magnificent Ukrainian bee counting game, and a picture of a stormy petrel are among this month's undoubted highlights.

October 2005

Learn everything you need to know about the shelling of peas, the Magic Mountain, Ayn Rand's funeral song, English composer William Hurlstone, and the giant terrifying mountains of Tantarabim.

December 2005

A Christmas treat in the shape of two episodes from Blodgett And His Pals Hanging Around On A Mysterious Island After Surviving A Plane Crash.

January 2006

The new year begins with a series of unfortunate cows, stunned starlings, Rex Harrison and his son Noel, a Lembit Opik lookalike, and Sago the Pang Hill orphan. Oh, and a pontificating fruitarian.

February 2006

A thoroughly exciting month, packed with delights including Bucephalus and the cephalopods in the Bosphorus, a decoy duck, plastic baubles and plastic sheeting, the anniversary of the 1958 Munich Air Disaster, custard, buttercups, specks in the sky, and tips on saving your swan in the event of a bird flu pandemic.

March 2006

A cow called Ultravox (really), weird cooing, Basil and Guido from Dr Blodgett's Terpsichorean Academy For Keen Young Chaps, fear eats the soul, and a cranky pagan pudding recipe. And much more besides. Take a packed lunch.

April 2006

An embittered sludge person, Arnold Bax, how to check that the Pope is dead, potato clocks, obnosis, Dutch gruel ... what more could you ask for?

May 2006

Twenty billion years of apocalyptic ballyhoo, a howling dog in a rowing boat, a consumptive shoemaker, and a gratuitous lawnmower illustration.

June 2006

Much to inspire the attentive reader, including anagrams of Tord Grip, some mad Arabs H P Lovecraft neglected to mention, fiends of the farmyard, the attempted seduction of Dobson by a floozie, and Men With Whisks!

July 2006

The Pointy Town Seabird Rescue Service, zonk-eyed boffins, clanging bells, Jethro Tull, Anthony Burgess, and the unspeakably squalid becrumplement of an unlikely fictional character. All this and more awaits the diligent archive-reader.

August 2006

The Song of the Grunty Man, much pig-related material, Katherine Mansfield, and howler monkeys. Fully illustrated.

September 2006

What Would Dobson Do?, Blodgett's Jihad—featuring a cartoon of the prophet Mohammed—some magnetic mute blind love monkeys from a planet far, far away, and a towering hollyhock or two.

November 2006

Pope Benedict loses his mental and moral balance. Meanwhile, we examine the potatoes of Potatovag, provide some handy hints on the use of glue, and once again encounter Mad Old Farmer Frack.

December 2006

Strange Norwegian soup, Little Alphonso, the Holy Sisters of Headaches & Dismay, and a souvenir cardigan from the Ayn Rand Exposition at Jakarta

Back to the top. Hup!

December 2003

including the Ship of Fools, Monomaniac Time, a crumpled map, the Buttons of Beb, and much, much more!

Sunday, December the 14th, 2003
The Private Memoirs & Confessions of an Ignorant Ornithologist
Useful Words
Monday, December the 15th, 2003
“I fancied a sepulchral voice exclaiming: ”
Ask Uncle Dan
Celebrity News
Hobbies & Pastimes
Tuesday, December the 16th, 2003
“I think it is true that one…”
Apropos of Poe
Archival Rescue Service
Gigantic Bolivian Architectural Diagrams
Newton News
Titles
Unabashed Advertisement Feature
Wednesday, December the 17th, 2003
“Grind, gride, gird, grit, groat, grate, greet,…”
Robertson's Minerva
The Ship of Fools
Thursday, December the 18th, 2003
“I could argue all day about the…”
Poetry Corner
Potted Biographies of a Marine Hue, No. 1
Friday, December the 19th, 2003
“In my own case I have imputed…”
Monomaniac Time
The Buttons of Beb
Monday, December the 22nd, 2003
“Aminadab! Aminadab!”
Dobson
Docking Hack
The Glue In The Palace Was Rarefied; The Putty Was Dreadful

Back to the top. Hup!

January 2004

including World o' Cake, decoy ducks, the Crogsnickplagg Cow Centenary, penguin brain scans, and other amusing diversions.

Thursday, January the 1st, 2004
“Hmm… a bit of a gap there…”
Archival Rescue Service
By Aerostat to Hooting Yard
One Hundred Years Ago
Today's Recipe
Friday, January the 2nd, 2004
“He had two pets: a cat called…”
Angling News
Mister Scrimgeour's Aviary
Parlour Games
Pedagogy
Saturday, January the 3rd, 2004
“All the misfortunes of people derive from…”
A Drawing of a Man Whose Head Resembles a Fire Extinguisher
Our Ancestors
Sunday, January the 4th, 2004
“Is there not a brutal balance to…”
Grassy Knoll Bulletin
What's in a Name?
Monday, January the 5th, 2004
“The cuckoo shouts all day at nothing”
Correspondence Received
Decoy Duck of the Week
Elsewhere on the Web
Wednesday, January the 7th, 2004
“Peering at you from the top of…”
Lars Talc
An extract from Obsequies For Lars Talc, Struck By Lightning
Sci-fi
Stamp Collecting
Friday, January the 9th, 2004
“Tea, though ridiculed by those who are…”
Authors' Nicknames
Folk Wisdom
Personality Profile
Saturday, January the 10th, 2004
“Blessed are the nonchalant”
Hell, Entrances To
Milk
The Windows in the Villa
Tuesday, January the 13th, 2004
“The learning … of the censors and…”
Food Scare
Pond Life
The Names of the Ponds
Wednesday, January the 14th, 2004
“When a cow came slouching by in…”
A Sad Story
Friday, January the 16th, 2004
“Upon another occasion I went to a…”
Dobson
Fire!
Saturday, January the 17th, 2004
“Who else, on the day of the…”
An Exciting Pastime
An Old Rhyme
Doctor Fang Is About to Carry Out a Brain Scan
Monday, January the 19th, 2004
A Person From Porlock
Babbage
Tuesday, January the 20th, 2004
“Can it be possibly believed, by the…”
Music Ho!
Science
Tiny Decoy Duck of the Week
Wednesday, January the 21st, 2004
“… the fear that too much learning…”
An Exciting New Series
Dobsoniana
Fictional Characters Named After Packaging
Friday, January the 23rd, 2004
“When you take his potatoes away from…”
A Brief Note About Pills
A Letter From Pansy Cradledew
Preamble to a Report on the 26 Lighthouses of Hoon
Saturday, January the 24th, 2004
“Having a crush on Joni is a…”
Captain Snap, the Cheery Bird-strangler
Cedric Spraingue
The Phial of Broth
World O' Cake
Tuesday, January the 27th, 2004
“Go put the raiment on. … You'll…”
Crestfallen Dan
House of Turps
Build Your Own House of Turps
Wednesday, January the 28th, 2004
No Comment
World O' Cake
Thursday, January the 29th, 2004
“Alcohol is the Devil's buttermilk!”
Crestfallen Dan : An Apology
The Cabinet of Doctor Calicagcag
Saturday, January the 31th, 2004
“The postman came just now, and among…”
Dobson's Commentary on the Above
The Life & Times of Captain Cake

Back to the top. Hup!

February 2004

including Richard Milhous Nixon, bismuth & titanium, Istvan & Zoltan, Dobson, badgers, potatoes, pails, James Joyce, and a burlap sack of old crocuses.

Tuesday, February the 3rd, 2004
“You know what a pleasure it is…”
Lines Written in a Sordid Hut
Lothar Preen News
Wednesday, February the 4th, 2004
“Goe plow in the stubble for now…”
Dobson on Badgers
peason
Today's Recipe
Thursday, February the 5th, 2004
“A man fond of jugglers will soon…”
A Letter of Complaint
Decoy Duck of the Week
How to Think of Things Other Than Juggling
Saturday, February the 7th, 2004
“It was a strange day, the day…”
A Parlour Game
Advice On Jars
Hotel & Catering News
Monday, February the 16th, 2004
“Now, consider this Jesuit priest with a…”
Back after a dose of flu…
Notes on Names
Thespian Careers
Tuesday, February the 17th, 2004
“A man, a plan, a canoe, pasta,…”
Biblical News
Inconsequential but Interesting Facts No. 1
Museology
Putting a Face to a Name …
Wednesday, February the 18th, 2004
“Coleridge was a marvellous talker … Wordsworth…”
Important Potato News
In Re Joyce
Web Revolution
THE DOBSON ÜBERTOOLBAR USER’S AGREEMENT
Friday, February the 20th, 2004
“‘You say,’ he mused, ‘that Mok came…”
Accidents Will Happen
Hedge Auras
The Other Pails
The Pail
The Pails
Monday, February the 23rd, 2004
“As far back as 1551 we know…”
Brief Extract From a Lecture Delivered by Canute Hellhound
Make Your Own Glue
The Natural World
Tuesday, February the 24th, 2004
“He heard only the soughing of the…”
Ask Uncle Dan
Correspondence Received
Ülm
Transcript of a Dictaphone Recording Made by Dobson at the 1955 Festival of Argumentative Music in Ülm
Joost Van Dongelbracke
Thursday, February the 26th, 2004
“Like love, perfect inanity casteth out fear.”
Nixon
This Is Split
Van Dongelbrackegate
Friday, February the 27th, 2004
“Oh! the mocking diablery in strings, wisps…”
Illustration to Accompany the Above Essay
Rules of the Game
Saturday, February the 28th, 2004
“He [V. S. Naipaul] now hated the…”
Dorothy Quigley
Istvan & Zoltan
Plummermania

Back to the top. Hup!

March 2004

a bumper month—not only the seven dwarves, the administration of lighthouses, and six cows and a bee, not only Chutney On My Spats by Beerpint & How I Invented A Revolutionary New Birdseed by Dobson, but soup, cake, gluttony, Chewism, jars, cormorants and a leech mishap.

Monday, March the 1st, 2004
“These palliards be called also clapperdudgeons. These…”
Emblem
Fictional Detective Bulletin
Zoltan & Istvan
Tuesday, March the 2nd, 2004
“The kam, as if approaching the Yarta…”
Chewism
The Albatross
Victorian Prime Minister News
Wednesday, March the 3rd, 2004
“As if kindled into anger now by…”
Fierce Gigantic Elephant-like Beings
Film Focus
The Might of Patience
Thursday, March the 4th, 2004
“She sank deeper and deeper into seclusion,…”
Bullfinch Advice
Gruesome and Turgid
Istvan, Zoltan or Zoltan, Istvan
Friday, March the 5th, 2004
“And how are we going to describe…”
Cormorant Patrol
Films on Television
Noteworthy Pistachio Nut Magnates : No. 1 in a New Series
Monday, March the 8th, 2004
“As an introduction to the Jesuit priest's…”
Correspondence Received : One
Correspondence Received : Two
Istvan 'n' Zoltan
Tuesday, March the 9th, 2004
“My mother opened a select private school…”
Apropos of Ambrose Bierce
The Dobson Memorial Lecture 2004
The Seven Dwarves
Vereecke!
Wednesday, March the 10th, 2004
“I do not think it is wise…”
Istvan & Zoltan
Mission Statement
Velma Nebraska Reports
Thursday, March the 11th, 2004
“A great, large, noisy, tumultuous, promiscuous, crowding,…”
Blatant Forgeries Received
Gluttony News
Soup : A Chewist Text
World O' Cake
Friday, March the 12th, 2004
“He was nothing if not superlative: his…”
A Guide to Pointy Town : Part One
Downy, Witched, Dutch Cloud-heaps of Some Quaintest Tramontane Nephelococcugia of Thought
Rebranding
Saturday, March the 13th, 2004
“I am writing this in the saloon…”
A Guide to Pointy Town : Part Two
Assiduous Costner Research
Lines Written Upon First Listening to Doctor Bogenbroom by Jethro Tull
Newton News
The Beerpint Scandal
Sunday, March the 14th, 2004
“Heliogabalus made elaborate preparations for his own…”
A Catalogue of 53 Birds
A Recipe for Gruel
Beasts of the Field
Blasphemous Ted Cargpan & His Weird Sponge Hood
Foolish Opinions
International Society of Stationery Fanatics
Scenes From the Lives of the Poets : 1. Maud Abdab
The Dobson Memorial Lecture 2004
Three Miscellaneous Items
Tuesday, March the 16th, 2004
“It is bad luck to carry a…”
Dobson's Leech Mishap
Jar Hints
Punter Hoonjaw
Wednesday, March the 17th, 2004
“Custard, that noble cooling Food, / So…”
Balls
Mrs Gubbins Recommends
Pastry Post
Victorian Prime Minister News Update
Thursday, March the 18th, 2004
“Next to Rosa Whittier sat Julia Balcolm,…”
All Hail Gervase Beerpint
Hound of the Cargpans
Mrs Gubbins Throws a Fit
Friday, March the 19th, 2004
“He hath a soul drowned in a…”
Lean-starved Hackney Apophthegms : A Cartoon Strip
Six Cows and a Bee
Stray Dog
The Annual “Atlas Shrugged” Poetry Competition
What is Hooting Yard?
What's on in Mustard Parva
Tuesday, March the 23rd, 2004
“[It was] Merro Daak, the fashionable radio…”
A Word Game
Brain Surgeon News
Countdown to Pansy Cradledew Day
That Mrs Gubbins Self-portrait
Wednesday, March the 24th, 2004
“Let us picture the case of a…”
Dobson Dust-jacket Discovery
Important Lark Information
Six Cows and a Bee : Correction
Thursday, March the 25th, 2004
“Most cats show an interest of some…”
Burnt Maps
Japanese Conceptual Artist in Bed Anniversary
The Novels of Lothar Preen
Wretchedness Transformed : A Case Study
Friday, March the 26th, 2004
Today being the festival it is…
Saturday, March the 27th, 2004
“Yet, was his beauty not amiable, but…”
Anagram News
Packaging or Fighting?
The Birdhole Prison Riots
Trademark Notice
Wednesday, March the 31th, 2004
“One thing is certain, and that is…”
Chrononhotonthologos
Hello Darkness My Old Friend
The Encyclopaedia of Unnecessary Knowledge

Back to the top. Hup!

April 2004

a month which saw hideous and traumatic computer nightmares at Hooting Yard. Despite this, you'll be able to read about Mrs Gubbins and her infatuation with buttons, a noodlehead in peril, Sopwith's so-called "marsh gas years", and the disgusting bilge of Cadet Vig, among other things.

Thursday, April the 1st, 2004
“There would be the following number of…”
Is This Dobson?
Johnfowlesopoly
Mrs Gubbins and Her Infatuation With Buttons
Reincarnation News
Saturday, April the 3rd, 2004
“James I, at the beginning of his…”
Sidney the Bat Is Awarded the Order of Lenin
Sprung From Chokey
Monday, April the 5th, 2004
“When I play Beethoven, I always feel…”
A Noodlehead in Peril
Dark Star Crashes
Rant
That “Dobson” Photograph
Tuesday, April the 6th, 2004
“Afraid? … Well - so was I.…”
Ask Uncle Dan
Invaluable Cereal Donations
Mysteries of the Nun Explained
Spinoza's Rhubarb
Thursday, April the 8th, 2004
“Who can contemplate this superb elevation without…”
Alphabet Soup
Publishing News
The Disgusting Bilge of Cadet Vig
Tuesday, April the 13th, 2004
“If you have not got the knack…”
A Patch of Ectoplasm
Mrs Gubbins' Emoticon Workshop
Friday, April the 23rd, 2004
ACK!!! Hideous technological traumas have struck…
Monday, April the 26th, 2004
“We live in a world where great…”
Dobson in Residence
Ground Control to Major Tom
Inside Hooting Yard
More Moaning About Book Titles
Wednesday, April the 28th, 2004
“Let us start our investigation of finite…”
Impenetrable Language
Mrs Gubbins : An Update
Friday, April the 30th, 2004
“As he reconstructed it, the whole scene…”
Chaps Oozing Charm
Pod News
Xylomancy

Back to the top. Hup!

May 2004

still bedevilled by technical trauma, we nevertheless managed to address such issues as "Was Dobson Stalin?", examine the legacy of Tuesday Weld, ponder Frank's future as the Face of L'Oreal, and sigh at the strange fate of the Besmirched & Bonkers Topiary Man, His Hoodoo & Collapse. All this plus croissants, horses, Stendahl on peas, ogres, vapours and, of course, even more cormorants.

Wednesday, May the 5th, 2004
“An efficacious remedy for love - eat…”
On the Air
Once Upon a Time
Thursday, May the 6th, 2004
“The Volting of the Body, which many…”
Career Change
The Besmirched and Bonkers Topiary Man : His Hoodoo and Collapse
Friday, May the 7th, 2004
“A little, slight man, with a thin,…”
Andrewmotionopoly
Bird News
That Mrs Gubbins Woman
Sunday, May the 9th, 2004
“I say again, if I cannot draw…”
A Potted Biography of Sigismundo Ock, the Balaclava-clad Poetaster Whose Plinth Is Splattered With Muck
Regarding Today's Quotation
Was Dobson Stalin?
Monday, May the 10th, 2004
“If Francois is fond of flowers, M.…”
Clairvoyant Pig
Pang Hill News
Pencil of the Month
Friday, May the 14th, 2004
“Colossal, crude, terrible and sublime, Brann opened…”
Bashful Coctlosh Trauma Surgeon
Croissants
Pin Bulletin Number One
Monday, May the 17th, 2004
“Do I know what my colours are?…”
Life and Loves of the Immersion Man
L'oreal : The Case Continues
Wednesday, May the 19th, 2004
“Mr [James] Douglas would rather give a…”
Climb Every Mountain
Ho! For Cormorants! (The Picture)
Ho! For Cormorants! (The Words)
Friday, May the 21st, 2004
“And now,”
Ogre, Vapour
Saturday, May the 22nd, 2004
“The turbot and sole are indeed included…”
The Concrete Posts of Obergruwwel
Tuesday Weld News
Sunday, May the 23rd, 2004
“A taste for flowers is, at all…”
Since You've Been Gone

Back to the top. Hup!

June 2004

the definitive return from Technonightmareland! June brought mentions of gnats, Nixon, nuns purporting to be from Finland, little Severin the mystic badger, Ronald Reagan, Belt, Bong & Yaw and at least 44 curlews.

Wednesday, June the 16th, 2004
“This Medicine has excellent Effect in Hysteric…”
About Belt, Bong & Yaw
Dobsonday
The Lure of Hooting Yard
Friday, June the 18th, 2004
“This is hazardous sport even for the…”
44 Curlews
Ask Uncle Dan
One of Orphan Maisie's Many, Many Curlew Stamps
Monday, June the 21st, 2004
“The sea-wind sweeps over the spot at…”
Always Read the Label
The Hooting Yard Biennale
Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From the Stars
Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From the Stars
Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From the Stars
Tuesday, June the 22nd, 2004
“He was in some kind of a…”
Nuns Purporting to Come From Finland
The Potus and the Beast
Vaporetto or Bus?
Thursday, June the 24th, 2004
“‘The horse is dead, then? Where is…”
A Ticking-off for Uncle Dan
Mystic Badger News
Spooky Boswell Coincidence
Friday, June the 25th, 2004
“Another legend accounts for the robin's red…”
Extract From a Pirate's Diary
Oil Painting News
Swept Away on a Winter's Night
The Book of Gnats
Saturday, June the 26th, 2004
“Huge waves roared by, of such vastness…”
Annals of Rascality
Dobson's Wit
Monday, June the 28th, 2004
“Q.- What is Cabrey's arrangement? A.- Mr.…”
The Mystery of the Poisoned Pancake
The Teutonic Memory-banks of Mister Blatfinch
Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From the Stars
Tuesday, June the 29th, 2004
“Here, on this very floor, under that…”
The Stench From Outer Space
Tree News

Back to the top. Hup!

July 2004

is there any subject we didn't address in July? Tundism, owls, Ricardo Montalban, glue and gruel and God and hydraulics and tsars and bogs, Emily Dickinson, botched trepanning operations, curd, birds, mucilage, balm in Gilead, and of course an enormously useful Pontiff mnemonic.

Friday, July the 2nd, 2004
“Curious stuff—ink! In some way it caught…”
Some Interesting Lops
The Bodger's Spinney Variety Theatre
Two More Lops
Saturday, July the 3rd, 2004
“He gave his back to the smiters,…”
Happy Birthday, Franz
Whither Blenkinsop?
Monday, July the 5th, 2004
“When she had crossed it, earlier in…”
Picture Quiz
Some Hotels, a Hollyhock, the Ponds
Tuesday, July the 6th, 2004
“'Not dead… Get Petrie… Cairo… amber… inject…'…”
And No Birds Sing
Distant Dustbins
Oops!
Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From the Stars
Thursday, July the 8th, 2004
“‘What are the processes?’ He eyed Herzog…”
Dobson's Heir?
Gratuitously, a Photograph of Ricardo Montalban, Because He Is Superb
Kataplat
Queequeg
Friday, July the 9th, 2004
“His epitaph upon the duck he killed…”
Further Lops of Note
If I Had a Hammer
The Tale of Gaspard
Saturday, July the 10th, 2004
“It is well to remind ourselves that…”
Scenes From Pang Hill Orphanage : Number One
That Impossible Map of a Dismal Canal
Monday, July the 12th, 2004
“Juniper infested the wooded interior of Norway,…”
Bus Hydraulics
Cataclysmic Winds
Some Ponds, a Hotel, the Hollyhocks
Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From the Stars
Tuesday, July the 13th, 2004
“Cod have been caught as long as…”
Airport Novel
Club Hooting Yard
Land of Nod News
Wednesday, July the 14th, 2004
“Another classification, which seems to retain a…”
Glue and Gruel and God
Thew's Pod
Two Other Things
Saturday, July the 17th, 2004
“Life is a pure flame, and we…”
An Owl
Frustum, Tang, Sluice
Tundism
Monday, July the 19th, 2004
“How many holy liars and parasites, in…”
Pontiff Mnemonic
Stalking a Toad-headed Robber
Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From the Stars
Wednesday, July the 21st, 2004
“The figure was that of a man,…”
Curd
Some Buttons
The Ascent of the Mountain at Hoon
Thursday, July the 22nd, 2004
“A sarcastic chuckle from the professor interrupted:…”
An Old Map of Easter Island
Morning Has Broken
S & N
Friday, July the 23rd, 2004
“What would those good old men have…”
Neptune
The Ubiquity of Dobson
Then the Boisterous Man
Monday, July the 26th, 2004
“That Ego sent forth with us to…”
Grabber's Deckchair
Some Questions About Gilead
The Dictionary of Stains
Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From the Stars
Wednesday, July the 28th, 2004
“I notice little worms carrying tufts and…”
Massacre of the Innocents at Hoon
Tsars
Thursday, July the 29th, 2004
“The Jarley Ready Writing-Desk for Night Use,…”
Garb of the Potus
International Bog Day
Friday, July the 30th, 2004
“Nowhere are In and Yo more simply…”
America
Bixby's Mucilage
Botched Trepanning Operations

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August 2004

all about celery, gutta percha, neurasthenic shuddering, egg flip, the old town of Plovdiv, bags of suet, and papal infallibility. Plus starlings and terrifying moles, among much else.

Monday, August the 2nd, 2004
“There should be at least seven servers…”
Indigestible Food of the Week
Lutheran Mobile Phone News in Brief
Suzanne Takes You Down
The Spangles Reference Library
Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From the Stars
Tuesday, August the 3rd, 2004
“Sometimes, with their bony limbs flung forth…”
Songs That Mention Kelp : Number One
Spite
Where Is Little Severin?
Why There May Be No Hope for Our Culture
Thursday, August the 5th, 2004
“I need not speak of the institutions…”
Cookery Column
That Tsar Business
Two Days in the Life of Blodgett
Friday, August the 6th, 2004
“His vehemence startled me; obviously I had…”
A Slim Volume of Twee Verse
How to … Festoon Yourself With Old Netting
Take Me Back to Old Plovdiv
Monday, August the 9th, 2004
“Canidia appears first, the locks of her…”
Lest We Forget
Silent Hungarians
Ugo Goofs Off
Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From the Stars
Thursday, August the 12th, 2004
“The novice, in solitude and darkness, day…”
Calling Out Around the World
Marigold Chew's Shed
Plagiarism
Saturday, August the 14th, 2004
“The ringing in my ears is the…”
Bode Code
Ugo's Pal Ulf
Ulf's Bubo
Monday, August the 16th, 2004
“We turned back through the city, and…”
Bees and Beekeepers
Snowflake and Prig
Two Tuppers
Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From the Stars
Wednesday, August the 18th, 2004
“Take a book four fingers breadth in…”
A History of Starlings
Loopy Copse Music News
Your Horoscope for Today
Thursday, August the 19th, 2004
“Take your snarling, growling, snapping, whining voice…”
Man of Bandages
Number 29
Reimagining the Urban Duckpond
Friday, August the 20th, 2004
“He shrieked aloud in the agony of…”
Blodgett's Fishpaste Conundrum
Bodger's Spinney Bird Sanctuary
The Mimick
Sunday, August the 22nd, 2004
“He recalled to me, too, the case…”
An Exciting New Scheme
Beerpint Reprints
Mythical Birds
Monday, August the 23rd, 2004
“After the Polish refugees, came Colmiche, an…”
Quicklime and Orpin
The Reek of Spam and Hair-oil
Thurn on Starlings
Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From the Stars
World O' Sport
Wurlitzer News
Tuesday, August the 24th, 2004
“How To…” With Fatima Gilliblat
“Racine Mudge, his face distorted beyond all…”
Bicycling in Chertsey
Nidor
Thursday, August the 26th, 2004
“The world is round. Time is fleeting.…”
Minnie Crunlop's Trailing Bandage
The Hooting Yard Wellness Clinic
Ugo's Pod
Friday, August the 27th, 2004
“Thither Dorrington followed him, gaining vigour and…”
Immortality
More Beerpint Reprints
On the Bonny Bonny Banks
Today's Dietary Tip
Sunday, August the 29th, 2004
“The sect of Jumpers was founded in…”
Dispatches From the Nib of Van Dongelbraacke
The Blot Family
To Make Paste
Wallpaper of the Potae
Tuesday, August the 31th, 2004
“He has constructed a pandaemonium in an…”
Chapter Eleven
Grots
Terrifying Moles
Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From the Stars

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September 2004

the return of Mrs Gubbins, Dobson's fear of squirrels, Christopher Plummer as Atahualpa, bean diseases, a horrible cave, and a selection of 18th century newspaper headlines, together with Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Alexander Graham Bell & Ringo Starr...

Thursday, September the 2nd, 2004
“A few wooden sheds being constructed for…”
Fear of Squirrels
Gigantic Balls of Volatile Gas
Pining and Pothorst
Monday, September the 6th, 2004
“In these colossal chambers the phosphorescent light…”
Bob's Bible
Chapter Twelve
Summing Up the Despicable Iniquity of Curpin
Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From the Stars
Tuesday, September the 7th, 2004
“He appears occasionally on the scene, generally…”
Bitterns and Badgers and Dachshunds
Eighteen Questions
Musing About Sheds
Name That Cur
Wednesday, September the 8th, 2004
“While the Bastard dashed to the window,…”
Escape From a Ship on Fire
Four Aquatic Beings
Hubs
Friday, September the 10th, 2004
“To The Curious - Ladies and gentlemen,…”
A Voracious Bricklayer & Other Matters
Dobson's Favourite Film
Sunday, September the 12th, 2004
“The bulk of my patients were soap-fat…”
Blot Family News
Four Soup Recipes
The Lactose-intolerant Jezebel of Botnia, Her Impending Flu Jab, and the Howling of Wolves at Dusk
Monday, September the 13th, 2004
“On the second day, sahib, as I…”
Badger Time
Fangs in the Mist
How Bodger's Spinney Got Its Name
Ugo's New Hooter
Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From the Stars
Thursday, September the 16th, 2004
“Unfortunately, I can speak from experience of…”
Idolatry
Tinpot Crimestoppers Lab
Sunday, September the 19th, 2004
“The dinner began with a soup of…”
Has He Taken Leave of His Senses?
Minor Rant
The Place Where It Goes Clunk
Monday, September the 20th, 2004
“Towards the tail, on the western parts…”
Anaxagrotax
Four Thefts
Pod Person From Porlock
Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From the Stars
Wednesday, September the 22nd, 2004
“Now he saw it as so similar…”
Pale Flapper : A Love Story
Pie Shop Deep Space Six
The Ugo-scribe
Saturday, September the 25th, 2004
“I did what I could with a…”
A Plug Wiring Diagram
Famous Last Words
What to Do on a Winter's Day in Tantarabim
Sunday, September the 26th, 2004
“A human form was there, but clothed…”
A Refutation of Some of the Less Plausible Claims Made by Dennis Cargpan in His Woeful Lecture Delivered From the Balcony of the Civic Hall at Bodger's Spinney on Thursday Last During a Hailstorm to a Gathering of Ingrates and Orphans
Bell
Monday, September the 27th, 2004
“The Punans add some picturesque incidents. According…”
Rhinoplax Vigil (See Above)
Tales of the Marshes
Tales of the Riverbank
Tuesday, September the 28th, 2004
“A tar-like odor everywhere prevailed, and I…”
Thursday, September the 30th, 2004
“Early that evening, the real Ah-Fang had…”
The Life and Loves of Mrs Gubbins

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October 2004

a cornucopia of delights, including Dobson in the Biblical Land of Nod, railings and pewter, Spem in Alium by Thomas Tallis, bees, chewed things, Richard Nixon, Emily Dickinson and Ah-Fang Van Der Houygendorp, paper crumpling, and Tex-Mex Jiffy Bag Sprites!

Saturday, October the 2nd, 2004
“In the midst of this circle of…”
Making Hats Out of Wood
Scraggy Bird Neck Bulletin
The Good Bee
Monday, October the 4th, 2004
“When the Church forbade Christians the use…”
More About Ah-Fang
Preposterous Authors
Tricky Dicky or the Belle of Amherst?
Tuesday, October the 5th, 2004
“The strange poetic-faced man with the distorted…”
Barnyard Bulletin
Whimsical Conjecture
Thursday, October the 7th, 2004
“I once had the unusual, though unhappy,…”
Dobson's Declaration
The Sound of Music
Ugo Turns Blue
Friday, October the 8th, 2004
“Suns glow for a time, and planets…”
Clandestine Defibrillation Unit
Spem in Alium
Tuesday, October the 12th, 2004
“Behold the far off luminary suspended millions…”
A Snuffling Noise Is Heard…
Thursday, October the 14th, 2004
“I lift it to my nostrils, forced…”
The Horrible Cave : Part Two
Monday, October the 18th, 2004
“…then he was sent to Cambridge. From…”
Chewed Things
Decisively Important Announcement
Friday, October the 22nd, 2004
“The vicious habit of giving birds bad…”
Animals on Television
Make Your Own Crumpled Paper
The Burning Fiery Furnace
What You Should Know About the Carpenters
Tuesday, October the 26th, 2004
“The music sang, and the spires twinkled,…”
Bird Recognition Skills
Ugo Goes Loopy
Witless Fabiola
Thursday, October the 28th, 2004
“When he, swollen and pamper'd with great…”
Government News
Tex-mex Jiffy Bag Sprites
With Dobson in the Land of Nod
Friday, October the 29th, 2004
“There have been some curious speculations lately…”
Police Report
The Field of the Cloth of Gold

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November 2004

includes a note about a rare edition of the Bible, unanswered questions about JFK, my little blind dolly and my little blind crow, a picture of a big black beetle, two pictures of locusts, and all sorts of other magnificently entertaining material for all the family.

Monday, November the 1st, 2004
“He was wholly absorbed in the making…”
Two Ships and a Moose
Ugo of Plovdiv : The Motion Picture
Writer's Block
Tuesday, November the 2nd, 2004
“What a record of great social revolutions,…”
Cuppid
Deworming Your Goat the Hooting Yard Way
Friday, November the 5th, 2004
“There comes a day to the drunkard…”
Crisis in the Sedge
Remember, Remember
Tiny Bird Brains
Monday, November the 8th, 2004
“To my mind one of the most…”
A Tale of Two Locusts
Smooching With Istvan
The God With Paws
Wednesday, November the 10th, 2004
“We have heard of a man who…”
He Was Accidentally Strangled When the Soutane of a Nearby Jesuit Got Snagged on a Drawing Pin
How the Quotations Are Selected
Notes on Jellyfish
Thursday, November the 11th, 2004
“Theodora and Amaryllis liv'd together some Time,…”
Blotzmann's Syndrome
Download News
Some Mashed Potato
Wednesday, November the 17th, 2004
“A noise like the continual explosion of…”
Keenan : The Adventure Continues
Practical Brain Exercises
Practical Seagull Exercises
Saturday, November the 20th, 2004
“What shall we read? Shall our minds…”
Homage to Esther and Abi Ofarim
The West Wing
Sunday, November the 21st, 2004
“If we represent the sun by a…”
More About Captain Cake
The Horrible Cave : Part Three
Monday, November the 22nd, 2004
“When I was desirous to delight my…”
Build Your Own Plasticine Model of Dealey Plaza
JFK : The Unanswered Questions
Wednesday, November the 24th, 2004
“We should have a living man putting…”
Beware of Overexcitement!
When Push Comes to Shove
Thursday, November the 25th, 2004
“He who plays with the void, who…”
My Little Blind Crow
My Little Blind Dolly
Potus Foliage
Tuesday, November the 30th, 2004
“Another thing I had noticed which gave…”
Some Rare Editions of the Bible : Number One
The Adventures of Tiny Enid
This Month's Picture of a Jesuit Priest

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December 2004

Hooting Yard reaches its first birthday and celebrates with tales of wild pigs, vampire bats and days of imbecilic glee, as well as looking at the crucial importance of topiary, the legend of the Grunty Man, the Swiss Family Robinson, and, of course, what happened when Björn and Benny and Anni-Frid and Agnetha were invited to Belshazzar's feast... Gosh!

Friday, December the 3rd, 2004
“I do not think we should like…”
Edna Purviance
In Loopy Copse
Tiny Enid Confronts the Russian Bear
Saturday, December the 4th, 2004
“After the heavy rain of a thunderstorm…”
Hinged, Unhinged, or Neither?
The Swiss Family Robinson
Veronica Lake and a Swan
Sunday, December the 5th, 2004
“It appears that in the nineteenth century…”
Constance, Bereft
Hengist Pod Asks a Question
Old Doddery Martin
Tuesday, December the 7th, 2004
“In an instant, the whole mass of…”
Meldrum Fonseca : Über-trombonist
One Morning on the Lane That Runs From Pointy Town to Coctlosh
Wednesday, December the 8th, 2004
“I do not want people going out…”
Hubs and Tranches
Stairway to Heaven
Thursday, December the 9th, 2004
“She opened the cage and the bird…”
The Crucial Importance of Topiary
The Legend of the Grunty Man
Monday, December the 13th, 2004
“It was midnight of the new year,…”
The Mysterious Inscription
Three Blue Days of Imbecilic Glee
Two Important Birthdays
Tuesday, December the 14th, 2004
“Then Old Moneybags savagely rings the bell.…”
At the Duckpond
The Dark Night of the Soul
Tsar Update
Thursday, December the 16th, 2004
“Man is formed from a species of…”
The Cardboard Club : Correction
The Cardboard Club
Monday, December the 20th, 2004
“There stood the Finn in the doorway…”
A Flying Ship
Danielle Barton Writes
Petrochemical Shiver-me-timbers Conclave
Tuesday, December the 21st, 2004
“There are many in Paraguay who cherish…”
Christmas Dinner
I Saw Three Ships
Friday, December the 24th, 2004
“The ship was the antithesis of the…”
A Christmas Treat From Mrs Gubbins
Monday, December the 27th, 2004
“For thirty years his mottled nose and…”
At Home With Tanquod Shuddery
Bats
Jazz Up Your Stamp Album
Wednesday, December the 29th, 2004
“I have always been impressed in reading…”
How Dobson Spent Boxing Day
Online Learning With Hooting Yard
Thursday, December the 30th, 2004
“Four kinds of wild pigs are found.…”
Rembrandt's Belshazzar
Belshazzar's Feast
Me and My Thorn-hog

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January 2005

We enter the new year with Anubis and Ra, pageantry and ice, Saint Mungo and Agent Hosty, pit vipers on postage stamps, the glove of Ib, The Anatomy Of Melancholy, and the Hooting Yard Gallery Of Goo!

Saturday, January the 1st, 2005
“God of the country, bless today Thy…”
About The Complete Book of Cheese
Audubon Bird-of-the-month Competition
Phantasmal Quest Thing
Monday, January the 3rd, 2005
“Cornelius Gemma, lib. 2. de nat. mirac.…”
Bird Research With Mrs Gubbins
In a Cabin, on a Ship
One Type of Frightful Hobgoblin
Thursday, January the 6th, 2005
“On my return to the city that…”
Pit Vipers on Postage Stamps
Stress, Distress, Tristesse
The Mincing Corsair
Friday, January the 7th, 2005
“A beginning there must have been, though…”
Inconsequential Trivia
The Stone of Turpitude
When I Was Interrogated
Tuesday, January the 11th, 2005
“Burl could see the wide disc of…”
Erst Spruce, Now Rusty and Squalid
More About The Anatomy of Melancholy
Friday, January the 14th, 2005
“First, there is the suet - the…”
Gods
Sunday, January the 16th, 2005
“Vinegar Tom, who was like a long-legg'd…”
One Afternoon on the Lane That Runs From Coctlosh to Pointy Town
Saint Mungo : Read and Learn
Tuesday, January the 18th, 2005
“For sometimes the Country is so raveshing…”
Bogodan
Pageantry
Thursday, January the 20th, 2005
“Have you ever seen a bagpiper, I…”
Bilingual Comintern Mocker
Crime of the Century
Sunday, January the 23rd, 2005
“Looking back thus on the three spine-curving,…”
Blodgett's Fiendish X-ray Plot
Fripp It to Shreds
Wednesday, January the 26th, 2005
“The Arabic word ‘bin’, within, becomes, when…”
Five Tiny Birds
Mrs Gubbins' New Publishing Venture
Thursday, January the 27th, 2005
“The four corners of the room were…”
The Glove of Ib
Waxy Insensibility
Friday, January the 28th, 2005
“Wonderful and mighty beings, old as the…”
Glib Hatter
Scrofula and Penitence in the Middle Ages
Sunday, January the 30th, 2005
“You may also, should it be necessary,…”
Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
Stakhanov, Colman
Monday, January the 31th, 2005
“The German mind was then at the…”
Ice!
Poppy Nisbet's Music Tips

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February 2005

Such an exciting month at Hooting Yard that Mr Key had to go and lie down for two months, hence the absence of any entries for March and April. Here you can read about bags in the Bible, Rasputin, moths, the Electric Prunes, Muggletonians, haruspices, and both Tiny Enid and Serpentine Claude.

Thursday, February the 3rd, 2005
“They scatter white sand on the floor…”
Claude
More About My Bomba
Friday, February the 4th, 2005
“A circumstance of considerable human interest, and…”
Strange Goings-on in the Ornithological World
Tales of the Uncanny
Saturday, February the 5th, 2005
“There was an interesting communication at, of…”
Happy Holidays
Jarvis and Cubbit
Monday, February the 7th, 2005
“Behold, Teta hath arrived in the height…”
New Saints
So You Want to Become a Haruspex?
Tuesday, February the 8th, 2005
“Charlotte Bronte's writing seemed to have been…”
Joanna Southcott's Box
Norwegian Wool
What Sort of People Will Live on the Tetrahedron?
Wednesday, February the 9th, 2005
“I visited the portion of the town…”
Pontiff!
That Box
Total Eclipse
Thursday, February the 10th, 2005
“Moreover, I may properly quaery, which of…”
About Enchatons
Wedd Star
Friday, February the 11th, 2005
“Their indoor clothing defies my description. I…”
Political Animals
Tetrahedron News
Tiny Enid Extinguishes a Volcano
Saturday, February the 12th, 2005
“True festivity is called salt, and such…”
A Mayfly Nymph Drawn by Jan Swammerdam
Majestic Prose in Dustbin
Swammerdam
Wednesday, February the 16th, 2005
“I have seen a monoglot Englishman in…”
Becoming Unbecoming
Critically Important Information, in Diagrams
Soup Committee
Thursday, February the 17th, 2005
“ ‘Nellie,’ he commanded sternly, 'replace that…”
A Note on Bags
Tanis Diena
Monday, February the 21st, 2005
“At first Mark meditated upon bishops…[He] must…”
Fifty Years Ago
I Had Too Much to Dream Last Night
Wednesday, February the 23rd, 2005
“Two monks took the blood of a…”
Orrery Sleuth
Two Monks
Friday, February the 25th, 2005
“To play this game you must first…”
At a Hop
Cattle Struck by Lightning
In a Bog

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March 2005

No bulletins from Hooting Yard.

Tuesday, March the 1st, 2005
Hudibras

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April 2005

Radio silence.

Friday, April the 1st, 2005
The Secret Tribunal

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May 2005

Back after a break, and what delights! Learn about the ancient mystic art of Goon Fang, toasted blob-cake, a grebe, swans, fluttering sociopathic moth-beings, trumpets and banners, and lightning rods.

Tuesday, May the 24th, 2005
“Am writing an essay on the life-history…”
Back
Glyn
Velma
Wednesday, May the 25th, 2005
“For whereas in the beginning of the…”
Max
Pansy the Adept
Thursday, May the 26th, 2005
“In bygone days the world was a…”
An Outing
Fragment
Goon Fang : A Correction
Sunday, May the 29th, 2005
“Carlin's deep-shadowed eyes were flaming pools of…”
Grebe
Lightning Rod News
Seaside Fun and Frolic
Monday, May the 30th, 2005
“By his absolute contempt of law, his…”
Clouds
Exquisite
Trumpets and Banners
Tuesday, May the 31th, 2005
“Talk to the horse in Latin, Greek,…”
Dobson on Sport
Swan News

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June 2005

So much to read that you may get an attack of the vapours. Lusty jocund swains, the bottomless viper-pit of Gaar, dispatches from O'Houlihan's Wharf, wafers, woods and killer bees, among much else.

Wednesday, June the 1st, 2005
“Death is but the wink of an…”
Goddess Clarification
Lusty Jocund Swains
Thursday, June the 2nd, 2005
“Good God! what punishment can be too…”
How I Plunged Into the Bottomless Viper-pit of Gaar
Thurn's Swoon
Titans of the Silver Screen
Friday, June the 3rd, 2005
“In 1766, we find Louis XV, with…”
Misprints
More About Swans
Two Gunthers
Saturday, June the 4th, 2005
“Who does not know, that the low-burlesque…”
Wafers, Vile and Otherwise
Monday, June the 6th, 2005
“Again there was that uncanny effect of…”
A Pedant's Righteous Nostrums
Birds That Go on Water
Some Other Woods
Tuesday, June the 7th, 2005
“A fondness for trifles is certainly no…”
Killer Bees : The Mystery Solved
The Lure of Lists
The Orchard
Wednesday, June the 8th, 2005
“She had no way of knowing how…”
A Reminder About the Allocation of Weeks
The Taxonomy of Ducks, Swans and Geese Is in a State of Flux
The Voice of Dobson?
Friday, June the 10th, 2005
“Tasmania shows us her animal freak, the…”
Clot
Indignant Pansy
Train Your Brain
Saturday, June the 11th, 2005
“The First Reader was mostly in words…”
A Bag on Your Foot
The Majesty of Parliament
The Story of the Lame Dog, the Caged Bird, the Drowned Cat, the Gold Watch, the Whisky Boy and the Insane Boy
Monday, June the 13th, 2005
“It was pretty generally believed a few…”
Hold on to Your Hat
Those Gubernatorial Bells
Two Hats and a Hog
Tuesday, June the 14th, 2005
“Another blessed ‘passing-over’ I viewed was that…”
Here Be Butterscotch
Name That Seismologist
Thursday, June the 16th, 2005
“Not all of those who have been…”
An Eye for a Bargain
How to Look After a Horse
Sag Mir Wo Die Blumen Sind?
Saturday, June the 18th, 2005
“Methodically he got ready. He rigged up…”
Bored With Bees
Hoon Hing Boom Bang a Bang
Sunday, June the 19th, 2005
“Nothing is interesting unless it is catalogued.”
A Sinful Secret
Ornamental Pond Guilt
Monday, June the 20th, 2005
“We ask you to be so good…”
Fictional Substance of the Week
Sieves and Basins
Spot the Ichor
Tuesday, June the 21st, 2005
“Another Stratagem is, to give strange and…”
Irritant
Let Us Now Praise Greenland
Mustard? Custard!
Thursday, June the 23rd, 2005
“There lay exposed a strange little brown…”
Me and My Homunculus
Mrs Gubbins and Mr Smith
Saturday, June the 25th, 2005
“Slowly the moon came out and splashed…”
Picnic for Detectives
Wednesday, June the 29th, 2005
“The inclusion of the husk or shell…”
Apropos of Noah's Ark
Shem, Ham, Japheth and Minnie Crunlop
Thursday, June the 30th, 2005
“Athwart that dream came a sudden, frightful,…”
Bolster Your Shabbiness
For Your Attention
The Groist

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July 2005

The Bilgewater Elegies, the debut of fictional athlete Bobnit Tivol, homage to Bernard Cribbins, calor gas, larder tips, Jesus, cake news, and a fop in a quandary. Who could ask for more?

Sunday, July the 3rd, 2005
“There is no reason why he should…”
Bronchitis Person's Helicopter Journey
Larder Tips
Friday, July the 8th, 2005
“989. Daedalus and his nephew Talus invent…”
The New Goat
Tuesday, July the 12th, 2005
“Their strong Holds have all the open…”
Fop in a Quandary
Our Lady of the Railings
Pompous Lip-reader
Friday, July the 15th, 2005
“It was one of those super-expensive makes…”
Cake News
Spot the Nun
Team Hooting Yard
Wednesday, July the 20th, 2005
“But what could strangers see of it?…”
God Almighty
The Evil Bakery
Thursday, July the 21st, 2005
“Though the sun is poised in the…”
A Snapshot From the History of Athletics
Local Recipe Map
Paragraph About a Pooch
Sunday, July the 24th, 2005
“Rusterich, one of the Teutonic gods, was…”
Bobnit Tivol
Spot the Nun Competition Results
The Cribbins Research Institute
Tuesday, July the 26th, 2005
“I saw, dimly, the monstrous god that…”
The Bilgewater Elegies
Thursday, July the 28th, 2005
“Exquisite are the lessons of the WHEAT.”
Anniversaries
It Was Dusk

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August 2005

Read all about hendiadys in Mudchute, Reginald Bosanquet, The Bog People by P V Glob, the smashed god, a dream about Roy Kinnear, cows, blubber, tallow and tin... and not to forget the darning-needle of destiny!

Thursday, August the 4th, 2005
“Before uncorking the varnish bottle, it occurred…”
A Pedant Writes
Weathering the Storm
Sunday, August the 7th, 2005
“I have, however, included a column on…”
Some Lesser-known Editions of the Bible
The Agony in the Garden
Tuesday, August the 9th, 2005
“The ivy and holly an' pine rukks…”
Cow News
Impending Juxtaposition of Blubber and Tallow
Through Clenched Teeth
Thursday, August the 11th, 2005
“She gave him a key to the…”
Dietary News
Last Night's Dream
Tuesday, August the 16th, 2005
“As I was talking with them one…”
Fan Fiction Fad
Map Pursuant to the Item Above
Map Pursuant to the Item Below
Railway Forecast
Wednesday, August the 17th, 2005
“As a simple example, I will state…”
Another World
Hendiadys in Mudchute
Other Places, Other Names
Friday, August the 19th, 2005
“Sunday, August 7th. In afternoon with Father…”
Evidence That Chlorine Winslow Bore an Uncanny Resemblance to Madame Helena Blavatsky
Murder in the Murk
My Unknown Boswell
Monday, August the 22nd, 2005
“The so-called bag, however, is smaller in…”
Metal of the Week : Tin
Nomenclature of Diminutive Persons Who Plunge Down 150-ft Cliffs and Survive With Hardly a Scratch
Tuesday, August the 23rd, 2005
“A celebrated poet, occasionally a little absent…”
Belated Ellipsis News
The Smashed God
Where's Old Halob?
Wednesday, August the 24th, 2005
“No one should put any trust in…”
And I Shall Walk
Clamour for Tin
Title and Author
Thursday, August the 25th, 2005
“Rumour among us had it that Marnick…”
Bird Flu News
El Rancho Anomalous
Foes
Friday, August the 26th, 2005
“Of course, you know my friend the…”
Destiny's Darning-needle Pierced My Very Soul
Monday, August the 29th, 2005
“When I was some years younger than…”
A Dobson Anecdote
Bosanquet
Reginald Bosanquet

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September 2005

Zeigler and Locke, wisps and clumps, the magnificent Ukrainian bee counting game, and a picture of a stormy petrel are among this month's undoubted highlights.

Thursday, September the 1st, 2005
“The Humane Voice is Air, impregnated, and…”
Chains and Waters
Chinese Trouser Mountain
When Haddo-haddo Becomes Musto ; Or, the Greaves of Way-o
Friday, September the 2nd, 2005
“Coming to London, he went into Paul's…”
Forgery News
Give Me a Glossary
Tadeusz Kapisko and His Ears of Wheat
Sunday, September the 4th, 2005
“From the day that consciousness came to…”
Billy Parallelogram
Horse Begone
One of Weems' Henchmen, From the Billy Parallelogram Strip
Monday, September the 19th, 2005
“We chill the kindling warmth in other…”
Home From the Hills
Pabstus Tack
Thursday, September the 22nd, 2005
“People with inconveniently long memories recalled a…”
A Thrilling Yarn
Am I Obsessed by Bees?
Thursday, September the 29th, 2005
“What do we now see? Midnight! -…”
Cemetery Birds
Ukrainian Postage Stamp Bees
Friday, September the 30th, 2005
“Here is a list of tools and…”
A New Poem by Dennis Beerpint
This Week's Stormy Petrel
Wisps and Clumps

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October 2005

Learn everything you need to know about the shelling of peas, the Magic Mountain, Ayn Rand's funeral song, English composer William Hurlstone, and the giant terrifying mountains of Tantarabim.

Monday, October the 10th, 2005
“The conditions of life in the sixteenth…”
Peas
Tuesday, October the 11th, 2005
“If you wish to become weak-headed, nervous,…”
The Magic Mountain
Monday, October the 17th, 2005
“In form and movement the woodchuck is…”
Did You Know?
Prolix in a Jiffy

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December 2005

A Christmas treat in the shape of two episodes from Blodgett And His Pals Hanging Around On A Mysterious Island After Surviving A Plane Crash.

Saturday, December the 24th, 2005
A Special Christmas Treat for All Our Readers
Sunday, December the 25th, 2005
A Special Christmas Treat, Part Two

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January 2006

The new year begins with a series of unfortunate cows, stunned starlings, Rex Harrison and his son Noel, a Lembit Opik lookalike, and Sago the Pang Hill orphan. Oh, and a pontificating fruitarian.

Friday, January the 6th, 2006
A Third Episode of Blodgett Island
Sunday, January the 8th, 2006
Blodgett Island : The Adventure Continues
Sunday, January the 22nd, 2006
“Apes are not just our kin, they…”
Stunned Starlings
Monday, January the 23rd, 2006
“Stealing a little to one side, and…”
A Is for Aminadab
Preamble to A Is for Aminadab
Surgeon's Biscuit
Who Is Tristan Shuddery?
Tuesday, January the 24th, 2006
“His commands to the labourers were substantially…”
B Is for Blodgett
The Gnawed and the Chewed
Wednesday, January the 25th, 2006
“Archer's hopes sank. It was easy to…”
A Series of Unfortunate Cows
C Is for Corpse
Thursday, January the 26th, 2006
“As he stood there musing, the door…”
Cow Homework
D Is for Doctor Cack
Google News
Friday, January the 27th, 2006
“One John Ryland of Northampton, published a…”
Another Vlasto
E Is for Euwige
Pirated Hooting Yard Merchandise
Sunday, January the 29th, 2006
“A man of strong tastes with a…”
F Is for Food
Tiny Little Hands, Decisive Mustachios
Monday, January the 30th, 2006
“An ingenious Frenchman has invented and patented…”
G Is for Gabbitas
Some Notes on Compartments
Vox Pop : A Pang Hill Orphan Speaks

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February 2006

A thoroughly exciting month, packed with delights including Bucephalus and the cephalopods in the Bosphorus, a decoy duck, plastic baubles and plastic sheeting, the anniversary of the 1958 Munich Air Disaster, custard, buttercups, specks in the sky, and tips on saving your swan in the event of a bird flu pandemic.

Wednesday, February the 1st, 2006
“Had Cowper been permitted to live more…”
Bees in Bonnets
H Is for Haruspices
Thursday, February the 2nd, 2006
“For convenience the following list is inserted…”
I Is for Index
Regarding That Vox Pop Orphan
Friday, February the 3rd, 2006
“Doctor Diabolus grinned wickedly as he mentally…”
A Lesson in Humility
J Is for Jubble
Ten Days in a Ditch
Sunday, February the 5th, 2006
“We have all of us different Souls,…”
Come Trudge With Me
K Is for Kleptomania
Win With Dick
Monday, February the 6th, 2006
“Rome! the fortieth day of rain, and…”
Custard
L Is for Larders
Tuesday, February the 7th, 2006
“About an hour before the ship was…”
A Message to Readers From Fatima Gilliblat
Elegant Smudges
M Is for Moop
Wednesday, February the 8th, 2006
“When did Hats come into general use?…”
Hudibras
N Is for Night
Pansy's Picture Library
The Hat of Hudibras
Friday, February the 10th, 2006
“Having first tested the air and proved…”
Blazing Excelsior Saturated With Turpentine
O Is for Ogre
Unidentified Insect on Postage Stamp
Saturday, February the 11th, 2006
“Among the earliest natural marvels that modernity…”
Bonkers Alibis
P Is for Planaria
Saints and Flatworms
Monday, February the 13th, 2006
“An Estonian friend who came here as…”
Breakfast of Hideousness!
Q Is for Quintain
Tuesday, February the 14th, 2006
“I am a buttercup golden and free…”
Cursed Crowfoot
Identification With Buttercups
R Is for Rigor Mortis
Specks in the Sky
Friday, February the 17th, 2006
“The lighting of the exposition can barely…”
Picture Post
S Is for Spats
The Ogsby Steering Panel
Saturday, February the 18th, 2006
“If his experiences of the previous evening…”
Gluten-free Jabbering Man
T Is for Trellis
Monday, February the 20th, 2006
“He was of medium height, thin and…”
Saving Your Swan
U Is for Unstrebnodtalb
Tuesday, February the 21st, 2006
“The trade is not what it was…”
Dispense, Dispense!
Rainer Werner Ringbinder
V Is for Violence
Thursday, February the 23rd, 2006
“So far as my knowledge goes the…”
Certain Aspects of Plastic Baubles and Plastic Sheeting
W Is for Water
Saturday, February the 25th, 2006
“This work is absolutely incomprehensible, even to…”
Hooting Yard on the Air : The Podcasts
This Week's Decoy Duck
X Is for X
Sunday, February the 26th, 2006
“Home, that spot to which his heart…”
Bucephalus and the Cephalopods in the Bosphorus
Y Is for Yaws
Monday, February the 27th, 2006
“Experiment : Procure a wide-mouthed bottle, an…”
Colossus
Z Is for Zincograph

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March 2006

A cow called Ultravox (really), weird cooing, Basil and Guido from Dr Blodgett's Terpsichorean Academy For Keen Young Chaps, fear eats the soul, and a cranky pagan pudding recipe. And much more besides. Take a packed lunch.

Saturday, March the 4th, 2006
“These are just sample bothers - shaving,…”
Famous Inn Signs of Hooting Yard : Number One
Revelations Regarding Old Halob
The Immense Duckpond Pamphlet
Monday, March the 6th, 2006
“What has happened to Dwight? Something that…”
Living With Alf
O Cure Me
Was Dobson a Visionary?
Thursday, March the 9th, 2006
“I am going to outline for you…”
An Anvil Cloud
Epoch of Snares
Saturday, March the 11th, 2006
“Each nation has its own method of…”
Blotzmann's Bird Psychology Diagram
Monday, March the 13th, 2006
“There's a big difference between dancing on…”
Blotzmann's Bird Psychology Diagram : Correction
Tuesday, March the 14th, 2006
“Anger, despair, ferocity, hunger, terror - all…”
He Preened, Eating Bloaters
Saturday, March the 18th, 2006
“Hark! what plunged from the bank -…”
Potted Autobiography
Shipshape
Squirrels : Emissaries From the Beyond?
Tuesday, March the 21st, 2006
“The pursuit of the Inner Child has…”
The Crooked Timber of Humanity
Thursday, March the 23rd, 2006
“The device stood about shoulder-high, with a…”
Cranky Pagan Pudding Recipe
Elbow Room
The Formosan Alphabet
Friday, March the 24th, 2006
“The following are a few of the…”
Heraldic Ostrich, Owl, Swan, Popinjay
Nomenclature of Cows
What Ails Thee, Weeping Orphan?
Sunday, March the 26th, 2006
“Coleridge is one of our great men…”
Fingerprints
Summertime
Monday, March the 27th, 2006
“Sir Hubert von Herkomer was a Bavarian-born…”
Pindar Widgery, the Pint-sized Provocateur
The Lure of Junk
Tuesday, March the 28th, 2006
“Does any boy's conscience smite him at…”
All Ears
Dances With Blodgett
Fear Eats the Soul
Thursday, March the 30th, 2006
“I went with my curiosity well aroused…”
A Hymn
Feral Childhood
Friday, March the 31th, 2006
“The door opened, and a figure representing…”
Basil and Guido's Kropotkin Fanfaronade
Birdsong

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April 2006

An embittered sludge person, Arnold Bax, how to check that the Pope is dead, potato clocks, obnosis, Dutch gruel ... what more could you ask for?

Sunday, April the 2nd, 2006
“The true house fly is very abundant…”
Embittered Sludge Person
Wednesday, April the 5th, 2006
“A man who from youth had become…”
Basil and Guido and Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich
Frequently Asked Question
Thursday, April the 6th, 2006
“There seems to be no good reason…”
Don't Say I Didn't Warn You
Wish Upon a Star
Saturday, April the 8th, 2006
“It is a little curious, considering the…”
Lugubrious Fool
Prattle About Reading
Sun Worship
Monday, April the 10th, 2006
“Were it not for the lower order…”
Bert Trautmann
Stoat in a Bog
The Potato Clock : History and Prospects
Tuesday, April the 11th, 2006
“I cannot see how a Christian, who…”
Dutch Gruel
Obnosis
That Dobson-hubbard Slur
Sunday, April the 16th, 2006
“To make Stars that will expand in…”
How to Stick Pins Into a Wax Doll of Your Enemy
Monday, April the 17th, 2006
“I sat down upon my bed with…”
Dobson the Convict
Medical Notes on a Mezzotintist
Useful Information
Saturday, April the 29th, 2006
“Bladud was the only child of the…”
Bax Mag
Testimony Of A Tundist : I Became a Tundist…
The Slovenly Gibbets
Sunday, April the 30th, 2006
“[Mr Jones] wrote that he had never…”
Invaluable Cardinals
Testimony Of A Tundist : The Most Thorough Account…

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May 2006

Twenty billion years of apocalyptic ballyhoo, a howling dog in a rowing boat, a consumptive shoemaker, and a gratuitous lawnmower illustration.

Monday, May the 1st, 2006
“I went to visit a consumptive shoemaker;…”
Dog in Boat
Is Jesus Irresponsible?
Testimony Of A Tundist : Slowly but Surely…
Tuesday, May the 2nd, 2006
“The vapours of earth may indeed for…”
Answers to Readers' Questions
Gratuitous Lawnmower Illustration
Testimony Of A Tundist : Just as We Divide…
Sunday, May the 14th, 2006
“Who but a man diverted from the…”
Testimony Of A Tundist : One of the Commonest Questions…

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June 2006

Much to inspire the attentive reader, including anagrams of Tord Grip, some mad Arabs H P Lovecraft neglected to mention, fiends of the farmyard, the attempted seduction of Dobson by a floozie, and Men With Whisks!

Thursday, June the 8th, 2006
“It would be absurd and ridiculous to…”
Fort Hoity
Hooting Yard Music Prize 2006
Saturday, June the 10th, 2006
“The only new publications are about celebrities,…”
Bright Ideas
World Cup Anagram Contest
Monday, June the 12th, 2006
“Sometimes the communications came from a Martian…”
Spot the Flaw
The Language of Futbol
Wednesday, June the 14th, 2006
“‘Let me defend you, Lucio, from the…”
And When Did You Last See Your Potatoes?
Fiends of the Farmyard
Thursday, June the 15th, 2006
“These loathsome monsters - call them squids,…”
Attempted Seduction of Dobson by a Floozie
Hidden Fictional Athlete Quiz
Sunday, June the 25th, 2006
“He wanted to know from actual knowledge…”
Pipistrelle Pursuivant
Scenes From The Adventures of the Men With Whisks : Number One
Wednesday, June the 28th, 2006
“The wind was howling like a thousand…”
Mad Arabs
The Adventures of the Men With Whisks

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July 2006

The Pointy Town Seabird Rescue Service, zonk-eyed boffins, clanging bells, Jethro Tull, Anthony Burgess, and the unspeakably squalid becrumplement of an unlikely fictional character. All this and more awaits the diligent archive-reader.

Tuesday, July the 4th, 2006
“Once, in passing through my chamber, my…”
Bodice-ripper
Splendidly Useful Definition
Friday, July the 14th, 2006
“[Charles II] smilingly remarked that it must…”
My Hero
The Thing
World of Birds
Sunday, July the 16th, 2006
“The poetry is drugged, and as we…”
A Boon for Scholars
Testimony of a Tundist : And About Time Too…
Where Are They Now? No. 12 : Tad Wensleydale
Tuesday, July the 18th, 2006
“Turner's head ached. He felt of his…”
Docent With a Speech Impediment
Testimony of a Tundist : The End
Thursday, July the 20th, 2006
“As I searched feebly among the unmaterial…”
Reader Profile
Ruth Pastry Writes
Saturday, July the 22nd, 2006
“The political system is designed to be…”
The Unspeakably Squalid Becrumplement of Tadzio Gobbo
Monday, July the 24th, 2006
“I see the children growing up. I…”
God News
Ruth Pastry Writes, Again
The Weird Spinney
Tuesday, July the 25th, 2006
“Sophistry might shake, blandishment bend, sex-affinity blight,…”
Cake and Pastry Person
Sunday, July the 30th, 2006
“Now, if the tuning hammer is placed…”
A Note on Pigs

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August 2006

The Song of the Grunty Man, much pig-related material, Katherine Mansfield, and howler monkeys. Fully illustrated.

Wednesday, August the 2nd, 2006
“…went to the most best museum this…”
Mansfield
Thursday, August the 3rd, 2006
“He who begins with crutches will generally…”
A Further Note on Pigs
Friday, August the 4th, 2006
“It is an easy matter for any…”
Days O' Bootpolish
Tuesday, August the 8th, 2006
“Who alive, for instance, knows all the…”
Some Death Notices
Song of the Grunty Man
Thursday, August the 31th, 2006
“‘Your allotted time has long since expired,…”
Radio Transcript
Truant Nomenclature

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September 2006

What Would Dobson Do?, Blodgett's Jihad—featuring a cartoon of the prophet Mohammed—some magnetic mute blind love monkeys from a planet far, far away, and a towering hollyhock or two.

Saturday, September the 2nd, 2006
“The following is a list of lunar…”
Rose Garden
Monday, September the 4th, 2006
“My blue potato is part of the…”
Far Far Away
Monday, September the 11th, 2006
“On ships, attempts to melt the ice…”
Pilbrow Two and the Love Monkeys
Wednesday, September the 13th, 2006
“Drunkenness, immorality and disease go hand in…”
Blodgett's Jihad
Friday, September the 15th, 2006
“We have visited the pretty English burial-ground,…”
WWDD

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November 2006

Pope Benedict loses his mental and moral balance. Meanwhile, we examine the potatoes of Potatovag, provide some handy hints on the use of glue, and once again encounter Mad Old Farmer Frack.

Sunday, November the 26th, 2006
Hiatus
Untitled Work in Progress
Monday, November the 27th, 2006
“Ayn Rand is the greatest human being…”
Glue : Some Do's and Don'ts
Shrivelled
Wednesday, November the 29th, 2006
“Shut your mouth, wine-drinking Pontiff!”
Placard of the Year
The Potatoes of Potatovag

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December 2006

Strange Norwegian soup, Little Alphonso, the Holy Sisters of Headaches & Dismay, and a souvenir cardigan from the Ayn Rand Exposition at Jakarta

Thursday, December the 7th, 2006
“All that is round is not a…”
Dobson and Longevity
Monday, December the 11th, 2006
“Found wandering in a confused state in…”
Quayside Harpy
The Children's Crusade
Wednesday, December the 13th, 2006
“One day the Lord gathered together all…”
Paupers' Drool
Tuesday, December the 19th, 2006
“This wheelbarrow is metallic and green… I…”
Black Molly
In the Bleak Midwinter
Sunday, December the 24th, 2006
Befuddled by Cormorants
Plovdiv Lenses
Sunday, December the 31th, 2006
Index of Quotations

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To study these writings in their whole extent, to see them in their minute unfoldment, is a work of years.