Tuesday, February the 24th, 2004

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Ask Uncle Dan

Dear Uncle Dan

I have been given a burlap sack full of old crocuses and I have no idea what to do with it. Please help.

Valentine Smew

Uncle Dan says: Well, Valentine, whenever I read the word “crocuses” I think of ikebana, the Japanese art of flower arranging, also called kado, or “the way of the flowers”. Get yourself a vase and transfer the crocuses from the sack. Throw the sack away. Now—be deft! Manipulate the crocuses with delicacy, taste and vision. There is, of course, the possibility that you lack these qualities, in which case you may be better occupied throwing the crocuses away and retaining the burlap sack. With a pair of scissors and a sewing machine you will soon be able to turn it into a mightily uncomfortable vest which can be wrapped up and given as a Christmas or birthday gift to a devout Roman Catholic. Jesuit priests in particular are known to be fond of such garb. If you do not number any Jesuits among your acquaintances, I would recommend visiting the SJ Web, an excellent resource “connecting Jesuits and friends around the world”. The Lord be with you, Valentine Smew.