Saturday, March the 27th, 2004
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In Britain, the day after Christmas is known as Boxing Day. Curiously, the day after Pansy Cradledew Day has not been accorded its own name. A plenary session of the Hooting Yard Miscellaneous Matters Of Towering Importance Committee was convened to address the issue. It was swiftly agreed that a name for the post-Pansy day should be in some way related to “boxing”, but frantic arguments raged for minutes whether the allusion was to packaging or fighting. Some members of the committee wanted to plump immediately for Wrestling Day. They were silenced when member F X Duggleby provided unassailable evidence that the “boxing” referred to boxes, and had not a jot nor tittle to do with contact sports.
This point decided, the committee went into recess, and partook of a superb lunch of shredded watercress and boiled duckpond water, then engaged in post-prandial calisthenics (think trampolines and medicine balls). Brain scans completed, the committee members shuffled back into the Big Overwhelming Hall, with its gleaming linoleum, important-looking wallpaper, and empty birdcages.
The afternoon session reviewed a wide variety of boxes and packaging materials, and eventually voted between two options: Big Unwieldy Crate Day or Jiffy™ Bag Day. The latter was carried by four thousand and eight votes to six.