Thursday, April the 8th, 2004
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Following the rant on Monday about the woeful state of the British publishing industry, we have had a change of heart, and decided to take the book-behemoths' grubby shilling. We noted the shelves heaving with books about “self-help”, and have knocked out, in two days, an invaluable manual called Men Are From Bodger's Spinney, Women Are From Haemoglobin Towers. Taking two representative figures—Gordon Sumner, aka—laughably -“Sting”, and US National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice—the book argues that when your pigs stray from their pen into another farmer's field, they can be lured back with hearty madrigal singing, but only when the sun is shining. During rainstorms, it is best to resort to a traditional goad. Other rustic “tales of the barnyard” are used to illustrate the theme, and several charming drawings have been photocopied from an old copy of Dr Alex Comfort's Joy Of Sex.
Our next port of call as we infiltrate the industry will be a management tome entitled Unleash Your Inner Dobson, wherein the out-of-print pamphleteer is hailed as an exemplar for the dynamic business git on the make. As I write, one of the Hooting Yard janitorial team is busy with a marker pen, adding briefcases, personal organisers, mobile phones and similar accessories to the photocopied pictures from Dr Comfort's book.