Monday, April the 26th, 2004
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Ground Control to Major Tom. Take your protein pills and put your helmet on. Then St John Chrysostom will give you a bon-bon. Well, not the actual saint, of course, but a man dressed as him, in a robe sumptuous and long. He will offer you the bon-bon held in his tongs. You must take it and put it in your pocket, for you will not be able to eat it now, because you have your helmet on. The exciting 21st century transparent material from which your visor has been crafted will not allow you to stuff confectionery into your mouth until we give you instructions to press that red button on the side of the helmet. When you do so, the visor will go whooosh! upwards in an instant, and then you can eat your bon-bon, but only if our instructions to you are judicious and wise. You see, Major Tom, it may be that we tell you to press the button when you are in an airless vacuum far out in space. If we do that, and you obey, you won't be eating any bon-bon, or anything else for that matter, ever, because you will die pretty quickly. So be very careful that you weigh our instructions in your mind before acting upon them. Consider the pros and cons of everything we suggest to you. We're human too, Major Tom, and we may make a mistake for heaven's sake, like the time the Space Panjandrum 2 landed in a lake, instead of in the sea, where it was meant to be. Now blast off, Major Tom, while we bless your cotton socks.