Thursday, August the 5th, 2004

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Cookery Column

Regular readers will recall that Mrs Gubbins has been given an editorial post with the Tundist Owl Library, and I had hoped to be able to publish the first of her tracts this week. Unfortunately, the octogenarian crone has got herself all worked up about the implications of string theory, and has put owl lore on the back burner. Instead, here is an extract from her 1972 cookbook, 101 Recipes For Croutons And Pith:

If you find yourself befuddled at the prospect of serving a nourishing meal to a detachment of visiting functionaries from the Soviet Union, why not do what I do, and try this splendid recipe, number 49? Take the pith of a dozen cucumbers, and a big bag of croutons. Empty the croutons into a tin bowl, then stir in the pith. Leave to stand for half an hour. Crush the mixture to a paste, then roll out flat. Cut into squares and place in a huge saucepan. Add seawater, and bring to the boil. Simmer for ages, drain any water that hasn't evaporated, and serve in bowls. A garnish of mayonnaise is sometimes acceptable, although I wouldn't recommend it. You will be delighted to see the glum expressions of the apparatchiks turn to beaming joy as they munch this lovely dish!