Thursday, August the 26th, 2004
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Minnie Crunlop first wore her trailing bandage after she was slightly injured during a fight with an ostrich. Quite what she was doing sharing a confined space with the panic-stricken bird is not known, and Ms Crunlop herself has been characteristically tight-lipped about the whole business. She is clearly fond of her bandage, however, because it still trails along behind her even though the injury has long since healed, according to her doctor, who does not give two figs, nor pins, nor a jot, nor even a tittle, for the confidentiality implicit in the doctor-patient relationship, and instead has taken to shouting from the rooftops that Ms Crunlop's bandage of lint is completely unnecessary. Please note that, for once, the phrase “shouting from the rooftops” is meant literally, adding another mystery to the affair. Who knows why, loudhailer in hand, Ms Crunlop's general practitioner clambers up often rickety and unsafe fire escapes, simply to bellow this—admittedly minor—detail of her medical history to all and sundry, most of whom have no idea who Minnie Crunlop is?