Tuesday, September the 7th, 2004

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Eighteen Questions

Where are the snows of yesteryear? The snows of yesteryear have been safely bagged up in burlap sacks and placed in a frozen pit.

Am I allowed to remove one of the sacks from the pit? You may remove one sack from the frozen pit if authorised to do so.

How do I gain authorisation? You may gain authorisation by prostrating yourself before a plinth atop which stands a robot duck, the control mechanisms of which have been deactivated.

Why have the control mechanisms of the robot duck been deactivated? The control mechanisms of the robot duck have been deactivated because a bug in the program meant that the duck was prone to fits of illogical and haphazard scampering about and its great size and sharp metal feathers imperilled the people out strolling in the vicinity of the plinth, forcing them to jump into the flowerbeds. Much soil was thus scattered and strewn, and flowers would have been damaged had any remained in the beds.

Where have all the flowers gone? The flowers have been plucked from their beds with botanic pincers and removed to a place of safety.

Are you allowed to divulge the location of the flowers? The current location of the flowers rescued from the rampages of the robot duck is top secret.

Is there a blue dahlia among the flowers? There is not a blue dahlia among the flowers, for all the flowers are chrysanthemums, every last man jack of them.

Who are the people you mentioned strolling in the vicinity of the plinth? The people strolling in the vicinity of the plinth atop which stands a deactivated robot duck include two famous campanologists, an organ grinder, and many people who resemble koala bears.

Was that a full and frank answer to my question? That was a partial answer. Full and frank details of all those strolling can be accessed in a database maintained online at www.blodgettglobaldomination.com/plinths/robotduck/vicinity/passersby/list.html

What has Blodgett got to do with this? There is no fleck of human activity which has not been dangled from the fingertips of Blodgett.

How do you dangle a fleck? Flecks dangled by Blodgett were dangleable flecks.

Did Blodgett ever meet Stalin? Blodgett met Stalin on a number of occasions, either at Stalin's dacha or at Blodgett's abandoned gasworks. Their meetings were generally both convivial and fraught, veering from conviviality to fraughtness and back again within seconds. They also kept up a hectic correspondence which has not yet seen the light of day.

Did Blodgett allow Stalin to dangle some of his flecks? Stalin dangled many of Blodgett's flecks, but only after issuing a ukase which forced Blodgett's hand.

Was Blodgett still alive when Stalin died in 1953? Blodgett was still alive at the time of Stalin's death, but he died soon afterwards.

What was the cause of Blodgett's death? The cause of Blodgett's death was calenture.

What is calenture? Calenture is the name given to various fevers occurring in the tropics, especially to a form of furious delirium accompanied by fever, among sailors, which sometimes led the affected person to imagine the sea to be a green field, and to throw himself into it. That is how Blodgett died, bless his cotton socks.

Where is Blodgett buried? Blodgett's remains were interred in the same frozen pit wherein lie the burlap sacks containing the snows of yesteryear.

Does that mean that if I prostrate myself in front of the plinth atop which stands the deactivated robot duck and gain permission to remove one of the burlap sacks of snow from the frozen pit I could at the same time pay obeisance to the relics of Blodgett? Yes.