Tuesday, November the 30th, 2004

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Some Rare Editions of the Bible : Number One

Scholars, theologians, and indeed plain old book-lovers have long been intrigued by various anomalous editions of the Holy Bible. In this new series, Hooting Yard's own expert on such matters, Fatima Gilliblat, will be examining some of her favourites. She begins with a rare Bible from 1982:

The so-called Emperor Rosko Bible of 1982 is astonishingly rare. In fact, some people, who ought to know better, have suggested that it is a figment of my own fancy. Such accusers are hotheads unfit to lick my theological bootees, and should be discouraged from making any pronouncements upon these matters whatsoever, at least until such time as they have been forced to memorise all eighty-nine chapters of the Codex Gilliblatiana, wherein I expound my learning with verve and wit. I recommend it as suitable holiday reading, if you have a suitcase big enough to contain it. But enough of self-advertisement.

The Emperor Rosko Bible is so called because the four gospels in the New Testament were comprehensively rewritten by a quartet of clapped-out Radio One disc jockeys, including the eponymous Emperor Rosko (Matthew), Ed “Stewpot” Stewart (Mark), Dave Lee Travis, otherwise known, at least by himself and his immediate family, as “The Hairy Cornflake” (Luke), and finally Diddy David Hamilton (John). The remainder of the New Testament, and all of the Old Testament, follows the standard Douai version, except for the Book of Isaiah, which has been expunged for no apparent reason. My copy is bound in bloodstained bandages abstracted from a locker in the basement of a mysterious clinic high in the Swiss alps.

Only eight copies of the Emperor Rosko Bible were ever made, and they were given away as prizes at a Radio One Roadshow held in the North Yorkshire seaside town of Whitby. The combination of the bloodstains and the resonance of Bram Stoker's Dracula that still hangs over Whitby I find strangely appealing.