Friday, February the 4th, 2005
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As the title of this item indicates, I have identified some strange goings-on in the world of ornithology. Before apprising you of my findings, let us examine carefully this picture of a pair of decoy ducks:
Note that the picture has nothing to do with the spooky bird-related mystery I am about to report, just that I never pass up the opportunity to take a long hard look at pictures of decoy ducks, and nor should you, for who knows when you will be able to put the insights gained to good use?
On to the matter at hand. Earlier in the week, the Guardian ran a story headed Birds rise in intellectual pecking order. This included some fascinating information, including the ability of pigeons to differentiate between cubist and impressionist paintings, the fact that scrub jays share certain cognitive features with human beings, and, of course, that old favourite, Crows Are Clever.
These facts were gleaned from an article in Nature Reviews Neuroscience about the work of the Avian Brain Nomenclature Consortium, an international team of twenty-nine neuroscientists. I have to say I was thrilled to read about an organisation with such a terrific, if highly specialised, name. It occurred to me that this is precisely the kind of august body that Hooting Yard should be affiliated to. Wouldn't it look great at the top of the page? Hooting Yard : An Associate Member Of the Avian Brain Nomenclature Consortium. (I know that my grasp of neuroscience is less than steady, but I'm sure I could bring a certain élan to the group's proceedings. And I, too, have “new thinking about the brains of ptarmigans and tits, bitterns, budgerigars and buzzards”. )
Before firing off my letter to the Consortium's top bird brain boffin, Erich Jarvis, I went to the Guardian Unlimited website. I wanted to reread the story and follow up any suggested links. Imagine my perplexity when I discovered that, in the web version of the story, Professor Erich's team had become the Avian Nomenclature Consortium. No mention of the Brain at all. I took the newspaper out of the dustbin and double-checked. I was not mistaken. Brain in the paper, no brain on the web. Somehow the brainless version of the Consortium just doesn't have that special something. I tore up my letter of application and squelched off in my boots to take a walk around Nameless Pond, a saddened and shattered man.