Tuesday, May the 24th, 2005

Back

Back after a longer than expected break. Much has happened since Hooting Yard was last updated. For one thing, I had to go to Rome in an attempt to become the Pope. I was disappointed that Vatican officials chose not to use the traditional method of ensuring that John Paul II was really dead, by striking him three times on the forehead with a special hammer while shouting his name. Lamentably, they relied on modern medical practice. After that, it was downhill. Instead of me, they chose one of the cardinals. Ah well, maybe next time. And to think I had already chosen my pontifical name. After all those pious ones (usually spelled Pius) I was going to be Impius the First. However, I have changed my mind during the last week. On his visit to Washington, George Galloway memorably called Christopher Hitchens a “drink-soaked former Trotskyist popinjay”, and I think Pope Popinjay has a nice ring.

What else have I been up to? Much of my time has been spent working tirelessly on a book entitled Essays On String, Killer Bees, Slops And Pap. Astute readers will note that my title is plagiarised from one of Dobson's out-of-print pamphlets, but the two works could not be more different. Where Dobson is gullible, I am drawn to flimflam. Where Dobson is trenchant, I am bleak. Dobson likes words beginning with B, whereas I have a zest for crumpled things. Extracts from my essays may appear here during the next few weeks.

Meanwhile, it is time to catch up with some of my regular correspondents.