Saturday, June the 11th, 2005

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The Story of the Lame Dog, the Caged Bird, the Drowned Cat, the Gold Watch, the Whisky Boy and the Insane Boy

Once upon a time, there was an insane boy who could only be becalmed by listening to prog rock.

On Monday, a Barclay James Harvest album was played to him.

On Tuesday, there was a power cut, and in his mania the insane boy went out and attacked a lame dog. The dog's name was Hoo-Boo-Goo. It was a winter ghost dog.

On Wednesday, electricity was restored and the insane boy listened over and over again to Pantagruel's Nativity by Gentle Giant.

On Thursday the insane boy absconded from his deep dark dank cellar and headed for the hills. With one swift inhuman movement he plucked a starling from the sky and put it in a birdcage.

On Friday his keepers forced the insane boy to listen to Atomic Rooster at an almost imperceptible volume.

On Saturday the insane boy took advantage of a moment's inattention on the part of his guards to drown a cat in a puddle. The cat was called Fad-Fod-Flap and it was fourteen years old.

On Sunday Carl Palmer of Emerson Lake And Palmer visited the insane boy and played a drum solo that lasted all day.

On Monday the insane boy smashed a gold watch into a thousand bits with his terrifyingly pale fists.

On Tuesday the insane boy had an iPod with only one track clamped to his head. The song was A Plague Of Lighthouse Keepers by Van Der Graaf Generator.

On Wednesday the insane boy managed to smuggle a bottle of spirits into his filthy cell. The warders wrote a report for Captain Jarvis in which they called the insane boy “the whisky boy”, inaccurately, as the bottle contained turps.

On Thursday the insane boy begged to hear Tales Of Topographic Oceans by Yes.

On Friday he was pronounced incurable.

That story was in words of more than one syllable. It has no moral.