Monday, June the 20th, 2005

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Fictional Substance of the Week

This week, the Hooting Yard Fictional Substance Of The Week is ichor.

Imagine you are in Ancient Greece, taking a stroll on Mount Parnassus. One of the Gods of Greek mythology suddenly appears in front of you. Imagine too that you are not of a placid and thoughtful nature (as I am sure you are) but a temperamental hothead prone to violence. Surprised by the sudden appearance of a Deity—it does not matter which one—your first instinct is to lash out in terror and alarm. You sock the God on its jaw, cutting its lip. Now, it is not blood which flows from the wound, but ichor, a colourless ethereal fluid which ran through the veins of all the Greek Gods. If you are of a vampiric bent, be sure not to suck the ichor oozing from the God's cut lip, for though it confers immortality on the Deities, it will be ruinous to you as a mere human, for it will poison you.

Lord Byron wrote : “He pattered with his keys at a great rate, / And sweated through his apostolic skin: / Of course his perspiration was but ichor, / Or some such other spiritual liquor.” That gives you the correct pronunciation.

Whether ichor is the root of the word icky, as in “That sponge pudding was so icky that I felt a great wave of nausea o'erwhelm me to the point of Lovecraftian horror” is a moot point.

Sometimes ichor is not fictional. In geology, ichor is a technical term denoting a fluid or emanation from a magma which is held to cause granitization of rock. And in medical parlance, it means the watery ooze from an abrasion, scar, or wound. Do not be mistaken, next time such an ooze seeps from one of your wounds, that you have somehow been transformed into an immortal superbeing. Rather than saying, as the Emperor Vespasian did on his deathbed, “I must be turning into a God”, you should instead go and see your doctor. All the better if your doctor's surgery is at the lip of a magma-riddled volcano.

Next week's Hooting Yard Fictional Substance Of The Week will be phlogiston.