Saturday, February the 18th, 2006

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Gluten-free Jabbering Man

I am Gluten-Free Jabbering Man, and I jabber in the corridors of power. Like a L'Oreal product, I am armed with light-reflecting booster technology. I use it wisely, and do not abuse the advantages it gives me. How easy it would be for me to take a Member of Parliament, like Lembit Opik, say, or Dawn Primarolo, and not only boost the light reflecting off them but jabber at them until they, too, are gluten-free. I could if I wished do the same with captains of industry, media moguls, big players in the world of sport, with anyone you care to mention who has even the tiniest smidgeon of power and influence in the world. I have often been tempted to wreak my weird magic on Lionel Richie, for example, and yet I restrain myself. Now, I just do the jabbering, a quiet sort of jabbering, and I jabber only at the little bugs and creepy-crawlies that scurry unnoticed in the corridors of power, unnoticed, that is, by all but me, and by the pest controllers, to whom I refrain from jabbering, for even with my light-reflecting booster technology I suspect they would outwit me with their fearsome engines of destruction, their sprays and rays and fumes and beams. I covet such weaponry, but it would be too dangerous in my hands, and in any case, I am the personification of mercy, and I am replete.