Tuesday, February the 21st, 2006

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Dispense, Dispense!

I have never really understood, or cared about, computer hacking. As far as I can gather it is a world of socially inept and probably sociopathic young men who ought to spend more time in the shower. But I learned something recently which means I am going to have to take a crash course in computer science and become a hacker, for I intend to wheedle my way into the systems of all the major high street banks.

I hope Hooting Yard readers know me better than to think there is some vulgar financial motive behind my plan. Of course there isn't! I do, however, need to be able to access the throbbing electronic brain which controls untold thousands of cashpoints, or cash dispensers, or ATMs, or whatever you wish to call them.

Why? Because I want to make every single cashpoint up and down the land operate just like the ones in the Vatican City. The splendid thing about these papal cash dispensers is that the default or principal display language is Latin. Wouldn't you love to go and withdraw your money, if you have any, and be faced with the rigorous beauty of that ancient language? Life would somehow become immeasurably less wretched were it so.