Monday, July the 24th, 2006
back to: title, date or indexes
Another letter arrives from Dr Ruth Pastry, following her missive of 20th July (see below):
Ahoy there, Key! Once again you are up to your neck in an oozing sump of moral turpitude. In my previous letter, I selflessly offered you a series of articles on booster technologies. This is the kind of material that other websites would give hens' teeth to publish. And what do you do? Tip the wink to that Tristan Shuddery person, who barely pauses for breath before trotting out a specious, inaccurate, and thoroughly shoddy so-called history of The Age of Boosters.
Much as I would like to pick apart every last assertion in his essay, I will content myself with pointing out just one glaring inadequacy. Shuddery refers to Curpin, Todge & Tack's factory, and claims that “today, the wretched factory is a home for screeching birds and howling Wergos, who whirl and whirr ignorant of the wonders that once made its soot-blackened foundry the pride of Hoon”. Recent studies by tiptop boffins give conclusive proof that both the birds (chiefly parakeets, starlings and swans) and the Wergos (lead-lined, plastic, or composed of an unknown pulsating organic substance) are fully aware of the factory's past, for like all birds and Wergos in the vicinity, they were exposed to an exciting purple mist like something out of an M P Shiel novel and their memories (avian and pneumatic) grew godlike. No doubt you and Mr Shuddery will be nonplussed by this revelation, for you do not keep up with the latest news in the Tiptop Boffin Bulletin, as I do.
In closing, let me quote Augustus Toplady, who wrote the first version of Rock of Ages on a set of playing cards while sheltering from a storm in Cheddar Gorge in 1776. “When my eye-strings break in death, When I soar to worlds unknown,” he wrote, to which I would add, “I will soar thence on my booster-pack, happy in the knowledge that I know more about booster technology than you or Mr Shuddery will ever learn, had you ten million years in which to apply your puny brains to the topic”.
Passionately yours, Ruth Pastry.